“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
So much easier said than done but as long as you constantly are aware of ways to stay true to yourself, in any situation, you can!
We are so used to being a certain so many different people, our professional self, social self, loving self, gym self, home self, we all have so many sides and roles we have, do you even know who your true self is anymore?? What if someone asked you to just be YOU in any and every situation? would you know how to do that or who YOU even are?
We have been talking a lot about making sure you are priority and you stay true to your belief’s, morals, values, and who you are… Here are a few ways to be sure to always stay true to yourself…
-Get to know yourself better.
Do you know what you want? It is close to impossible to be yourself, when you do not know who you are or understand what you want! Take time to get to know yourself better and figure out what exactly it is you want!
-Develop your individuality.
Sometimes we copy other people’s actions or adapt to their beliefs, because it seems like the easiest way to fit in and be accepted. But it is also the easiest way to lose your unique individuality that makes people want to get to know you better. Don’t be a chameleon and adapt to your surroundings, be the unique person you are! Have your own identity and own it!
-Do not go after the “popular” stuff.
Don’t just do something or get something because it is popular or is the latest trend and everyone else is doing it or has it! Be different and unique. Take time to figure out what it is that you like not what society is telling you to like or what you should like!! —You know that Gucci Purse doesn’t match anything you own! 😉
-Stop worrying what others might think.
Living according to someone else’s standards is a sure way to lose your own idenity. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself and express who you are! If you are constantly wondering what people are saying about you or thinking about you, you are just wasting energy! You do not have energy or time to be wasted on what others think!! You should be appreciated for who you are, not for who you could become if you change everything about yourself!
-Find your motivation behind why you change your identity, in different situations.
Think of the situations when you are most likely to put on a different face and maybe completely change your behavior. What is your main motivating reason for this? Are you trying to impress someone?
Every time you pretend to be someone you aren’t or change your behavior to please someone else, it will show! There is something called body language and your expressions, conscious and sub conscious will tell the truth and you just come across as not being genuine! It can be obvious that you are putting on an act!
It is so normal to think that you have to act a certain way to meet people’s expectations, but you really don’t. You can always achieve the same goals without having to change who you are.
-Do not be afraid to laugh at yourself.
When something unexpected or embarrassing happens, you spill coffee on your self or you trip and fall on your butt in front of a crowd of people, don’t worry just laugh about it! If you act as it is not a big deal and are the first one to laugh, people laugh with you, not at you. Do not sweat the small stuff! Nobody truly cares! Remember the time you saw someone eat it, did you think about it after the fact, NO!
-Start your own journal.
For many of us it is easier to share our thoughts, feelings and aspirations on paper than to open up with other people. If you have never kept a diary, try it! When you let go of limitations and let your thoughts flow freely you get in touch with your true self. You will be surprised the person you are when you just allow your mind to go and pen to jot down thoughts! This is how you gain inspiration, learn how to handle situations and even understand your own feelings and actions better.
-Stand up for what you believe.
In many everyday situations it is easier and wiser to agree to disagree than to enter into a heated argument about why your ideas and beliefs are better than anyone else’s. But it is also important to stay true to your values and be able hold your ground. People might disagree with your opinion, they might not understand your ideas or they might even disapprove of your actions. But most of them will respect you for having enough courage to stand up for what you believe in.
-Accept your flaws.
No one is perfect. There is always something we would like to change about our personality or appearance. This is just how our mind works – nothing is ever good enough. Learn to accept your “little imperfections”, no matter what they are. Accepting yourself the way you are is the most important step towards becoming better and staying true to You for who You are, inside and out!
“There is just one life for each of us: our own.” – Euripides.
WOW Gina! What a great list and a lot to reflect on. When you talked about how we change ourselves and disguise ourselves, I realize that I do this WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE around others. Especially around women at work, in the gym, everywhere. The only people I don’t disguise myself around are artistic types.
I realized that I disguise myself because I believe that many women are unhappy with themselves – and often want to imitate others whether it be in the way they dress, or eat or whatever. I HATE THIS! I think because I tend to think creatively – I can’t stand to be around people who imitate or want to do the same thing I’m doing. It actually grosses me out, and I protect myself by not revealing my true self. I reveal a false self. I know this sounds deceptive – but it’s what I have done for self protection. It reminds me of First Grade – when someone tried to copy your answers for the test – you covered your paper so they wouldn’t steal your success or answers.
I also find it more relaxing to be around men – because I don’t have to disguise myself around them, or sound superior. I can just – breath and be. They don’t want to wear my shoes, buy my earrings, eat my diet, find out my secrets! They just want to chill. They also don’t think they are better or put me down – which is something women do regularly with me. I love that about men! I also find that women can get all condescending and superior. Too often, this motherly – here’s what you should do thing- takes over and I hate getting advice from women I don’t know, respect or admire. Yet women give it freely! So instead – I put on my chameleon face to protect their emotions from my disgust for their unsolicited advice. I only embrace advice from those I greatly respect and admire – for example – YOU!
Perhaps these are bad habits – I just felt so connected to your article that I had to think about – why do I play chameleon?
Drena, Glad this resonated with you! You are not alone and it is so common and often happens subconsciously! The reason you are so YOU around your artistic friends and acquaintances is because you relate to them on every level! Music and you are one and that makes being around those people be who you are!!
Drena, other peoples insecurities are THEIR issues and you be you and don’t worry about others. They want to be like you, dress like you, act like you, talk like you, eat like you, etc. let them, it is a compliment to you. See acts of imitation as compliments! Those that are unhappy, are seeking to find themselves and seeking ways to bring about happiness… maybe you are an inspiration to someone seeking happiness! You be you and let others be them, whether they are happy or insecure and seeking their identity! You can’t worry about them all you can worry about is you!
There is a difference in how men and women act! Men tend to not compete with us and some women find the need to compete, if they don’t know who they are! Try it, today, be YOU no matter what situation you are in! You see someone glancing at you, smile and say hi! You would be amazed at what that will do! Be the confident, strong, woman you are and be YOU in every situation, what is the worst that is going to happen… Think about it?? Nothing! Try it. Start today. Be You at the grocery store, gym, wherever you go, be YOU and see what happens!
So much to think about but i’ll tell you what, it is so freeing! Imagine not having to put energy into “is this okay to say”, “how am I sounding” “how am I looking” “How are they perceiving me?”
Personal note…. I have a client that came to be about 1.5 years ago and came to be because she was a fan but not because of my success but because of the fact that she sensed my Realness on camera. She happened to see a few of my interviews and said she could tell from the moment she heard me how real I was and that I was speaking from the heart! That was the best compliments and I will never forget her words! I never knew how I came across but looking back, I never really thought about that, Actually she had me thinking… I never really thought, I just spoke!
Now… even to this day, I have learned the biggest lesson from her. From time to time when I have chatted with her about online interviews, those where you are not on the spot and have time to think about your answers, I have had or questions that I can’t quite figure out how to answer, her words of advice to me are, “gina, just be you!!!” Answer from the heart, don’t think about it, just be YOU!!! Just like you have done in the past”
She came to me for that very reason, why was I falling into the trap of making sure words were coming out clear, grammar was perfect, I was speaking the truth without coming across a way I didn’t want.. etc. When I had time to think, I started to really analyze things. I realized I was putting way too much thought into being Proper or since I was being publically interviewed making sure things came out right… She was right. I was putting too much thought into things and the result I was getting was “BY THE BOOK” rather than just being me. There was a difference! I always remember that conversation and from that moment on… I really go back to that and if I find myself thinking about how to say something, I stop and just speak from the heart! The heart always tells the truth and it comes out perfectly each time! If someone doesn’t like what you have to say… if it came from your heart and you were true to you, that is all that matters!!!
Remember that, JUST BE YOU! I will never forget those conversations with my client and always go back to the reason she came to me… I spoke from the heart and allowed my feelings and true self to lead the conversation!
Best part is, you will only gain those in your life that like what you have to say and are on the same page as you… win win, you gain people in your life that like you for YOU not those that like you for the Person you were tying to be. If you are goofy, you gain people into your life that like that goofy side of you. What if you are goofy and are afraid of being goofy on camera… you are serious… well then you gain serious people in your life, those that are attracted to those types of people. BUT that wasn’t you! You aren’t the serious type but now your acquaintances are serious people! See the delima. If you are YOU people come into your life for the person you are! Not the person you are/were trying to be!
OH, GOOD STUFF… XO
Hmmmmmm. Great stuff Gina! And you are authentic and I too love that about you!
Thanks girlie! 🙂
Drena…..OMG girl…..I totally hear you on that whole being protective around women thing. People are CONSTANTLY copying me….my style, my creativity, my workout regimens, my journal writings…..sometimes it flattering but most of the time it makes me mad! I think the main reason is that I spend a lot of time on it you know? It has the “eryn” stamp on it. And I’m proud of the hard work that I put in to create it. It hurts when someone copies you and then passes it off as their own, or what’s worse (and this happened to me only last week by my closest friend :()….THEY GET ALL THE CREDIT FOR IT!!!! You are sitting there thinking…..Wait a minute! That was my idea!!!! That totally sucks, I know.
I think for me…..I just had to get REALLY honest with myself and think….WHAT IS IN ME THAT NEEDS THAT RECOGNITION SO BADLY? Sure, everyone wants to be appreciated, but why can’t I just let things like that slide? Why does the approval or recognition from others mean THAT much to me? I know….I know…..its that emotional digging that isn’t fun once you really start to explore it, but its healthy.
I think that for me, I’m still trying really hard to be ok in my own skin. I wanna get to the point that no matter what….my emotions don’t rule me and whatever happens in my life I”m at such a state of inner peace that it merely a bump on the radar and not mental mass hysteria.
I think its great that you verbalized that though Drena, because it really helped to remind me of that lesson in my own life.
Thanks also to Gina for your insight. You always know how to shed the light on a more positive perspective so thanks. And yes…you are truly the most genuine person I have met in this industry….HANDS DOWN. It blesses me to be a part of your network.
xo eryn
Eryn, So glad you posted! You can relate to Drena huh… the most flattering form of a compliment is copying! I know it can be frustrating and you feel like you do ALL the work and for someone to just take it from you, grrrr BUT remember, no one can take the Eryn stamp from you. They may try to do things similar to you or attempt to be like you but no one will EVER be YOU. If you are confident with what you are doing and you are happy, it doesn’t matter what others are doing because you know in your heart the time, work, energy and everything else that goes into what you do. For someone else to duplicate everything you put into something is going to be easier said than done. If you are 110% confident in what you are doing and are truly doing it for YOU than no recognition is needed. If you are content and happy, you shouldn’t need anyone else but YOU to pat you on the back or say anything. Just know inside what you are capable of and what you are accomplishing and the less you say and the less others say is better… I gain so much respect to those who are able to exude confidence without saying a darn thing… When you are confident and comfortable in your own skin and with who you are, nothing else matter… nothing anyone says, does, etc.
Your hard work, dedication, drive and everything that encompasses the “eryn stamp” is YOU and no one will take that from you! Stamp yourself, be proud, and rock your skin, no one can take that from you!!
It is easier said than done, for sure, but just know that the truth always comes out and you are always recognized for what you do, regardless of if people verbally acknowledge you!
You will gain that inner peace and comfort within yourself with consistent practice, patience and just being aware of your actions/thoughts. Next time you find yourself getting frustrated with someone copying you, ask yourself where that anger is coming from… is it fear of something…?? That is the exercise I always practice. Whenever I get frustrated, sad, mad, angry or have any emotion, I reflect and dig to find out where that emotion is coming from. Everything we do and how we react is a reflection of us so it is all about finding out where it stems and then dealing with it from there…
Thanks girls for bringing up such great topics, sharing your personal stories, as they all help each other and each post makes us all think and relate…
Thanks Eryn for your compliment and sincerity!! What goes around comes around!! 😉 xo